Eric Karjaluoto
Extreme rugby champion, turned hair-model, Eric “The Locks” Karjaluoto spent his early years trapped in a 2′ x 2′ spike-lined cage. During this time he invented his own version of Gin Rummy, which is now widely accepted as the unofficial standard amongst serious players of the game. He also honed his ability to hold his pee for days on end, which in-time resulted in a horrible deforming of his bladder and a general distaste for carbonated beverages.
This tortured childhood resulted in Karjaluoto being caught-up in a downward spiral, which he often refers to as his, “darkest hour”. From January 1962 to the following autumn, Eric worked to gain entry to the NHL but never with any success. This resulted in him joining an underground rugby circuit in sheer desperation. Here he became notorious for his intimidating 275 pound physique and his propensity for savagely beating smaller, less-experienced rivals. Would it not have been for his burgeoning career as a model for 80s new-age hairstyle magazines, Karjaluoto might have never left this seedy world of steroids. He does, however, note that he still looks fondly upon the one-on-one motivational sessions he was afforded with Tony Robbins.
Karjaluoto’s romantic life has been desolate following his break from famed television host Oprah Winfrey. Following their impromptu wedding in a road-side bar in Kuala Lumpur, relations unraveled. Winfrey later annulled the marriage claiming to have been, “way too drunk to know what the hell I was doing.” A quiet, broken man, Karjaluoto now sits in a catatonic state drawing pictures of Garfield wearing a tutu.
